• 👴 Is 25. His hairline is 63. They do not agree on anything.
• 💔 Has been "focusing on himself" for 25 years. Has not yet produced results.
• 🪩 Calls himself a sigma male. Is eating instant noodles alone. These facts coexist.
• 📉 His forehead is not a forehead anymore. It is a statement. A tragedy. A vast open plain.
• 🎓 Has a degree in engineering. Cannot explain what he engineered. Will not be taking questions.
• 📋 Has "Python, C++, problem-solving" on his resume. The interviewer also had Python. They had a very different conversation.
• 🎬 Quotes Interstellar, Dune, and Fight Club. Has seen the first 40 minutes of each. Considers himself a cinephile.
• 🎧 His entire personality is a playlist. The playlist is just the top 40. He added one lo-fi song and called it "underground."
• 🫀 His crush is in a relationship. Her boyfriend is in a relationship. Ritik is in his room. Alone. With opinions.
• 📱 Sent a meme to a girl he liked. She replied "haha." He screenshotted it. He still has it.
• 😤 Got a backlog. Told family it was "a grading issue." Retook it. Got another backlog. Said the professor hates him.
• 🪞 Spends 25 minutes on his hair. The hair is losing. The hairline is advancing. He is losing the war from the top down.
• 🧠 Watched one Andrew Huberman podcast and now prescribes cold showers, sunlight, and zinc to people who did not ask.
• 🎤 Raps Eminem lyrics to prove a point. The point has never once been proven.
• 🕯️ His last talking stage ended when she replied "lol ok" and never texted again. He still has her number saved as "🌟".
• 📸 Posted a gym selfie after going once. Caption: "the process." He has not been back since.

Ritik Kumar is 25 years old. In those 25 years, he has accumulated:
zero girlfriends, multiple backlogs, a forehead the size of a cinema screen, and an opinion on every rapper he has never fully listened to.

He describes his type as "someone real, you know?" No one has yet volunteered to be that person.

He has watched the first act of 40 films and considers himself a man of culture. He quotes Eminem in arguments he started. He loses them. He has "Python" on his resume the way people have "Microsoft Office" — technically true, completely misleading.

His hairline is not receding. It has receded. It has receded so far back it is no longer visible from the front, the side, or a drone. He calls it "maturing." Dermatologists call it "a closed case."

At 25, with no degree, no girlfriend, no hairline, and a gym selfie from seven months ago as his only fitness evidence —

he smiles. Broadly. Confidently. Every single day.

This is either deeply inspiring or deeply concerning.
The jury is still out. Like his backlogs.